I know that I said I probably wouldn’t be posting again until after the write-on is finished, but there’s something eating at my brain right now that’s keeping me from effectively studying anyway. I figured that maybe if I try to get it all out in writing, it will help ease my worries a little bit and help me be productive again.
If you read my post yesterday, you know that there are a lot of big changes going on in my life right now. New summer job, new puppy, new apartment, wedding (and marriage) just around the corner. To name a few. All of these things are very exciting, but they’re all pretty big changes in and of themselves. Taken together, all at once, they’re huge.
Tonight, I’m experiencing a lot of self-doubt. Can I really do this? Am I ready? Will I be good enough? Will I let everyone down? Right now, it’s mostly doubt related to the new job I started today. I’m very excited about it – about the chance to learn and to actually be a lawyer. On Friday we’ll have our first prison visit, which also means our first client interview. My first client. Ever. To say that I’m nervous would be a severe understatement.
In a way, this will be the first time that I’ll see if I really have what it takes to be a lawyer and work with clients. But what if I don’t? Then what? I’m not quite sure how to answer that question. I suppose there’s always the option of being a “different type” of lawyer…transactional work or something along those lines, where litigation isn’t really necessary. But that’s pretty much why I went to law school: to help people. It would be awful to find out that I suck at it.
I think all I need is support, encouragement and to just do it. Hopefully Friday won’t be so bad and I’ll actually find that I really love meeting with my first client. At the very least, I’m going to prepare like crazy and just hope for the best. But any prayers or good thoughts you’d like to send my way would be much appreciated right now.