I feel awful right now. Absolutely awful. I kind of feel like going to bed, crying until I can’t anymore and never leaving my room.
I guess I should explain. I told you yesterday about the dogs. The ones that they brought to law school to help us de-stress? Well, apparently one of the faculty members was taking pictures. And today, they sent them to all of us students in an email. I’m probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should…because anyone looking at this photo album won’t think twice about the pictures of me and a friend eating lunch. But those pictures are destroying me right now.
I don’t want to post them here, but I will. Because apparently this is what I look like, and everyone knows it but me:
I know that everyone has unflattering pictures taken of them sometimes. I know that there’s such a thing as a “good” and “bad” angle. But I’m starting to seriously think that I don’t have a good one. I’ve been working so hard lately – especially when it comes to working out and trying to eat right. I’m seriously trying to turn things around and lose weight. I know that I fell off of that wagon for a while, but I haven’t gained weight in the last few months. I’m just trying to lose what I already had. Apparently, I have a lot farther to go than I thought.
I’ve taken the step and told my friends about what I’m trying to accomplish. Usually, I’m too embarrassed to admit that I’m trying to lose weight, but I really want it to happen this time. So I told them. They assured me that I can accomplish a lot in 3 months if I stick with it. I know that I can, but my positive attitude made a 100% difference in my motivation to work out this week. This is just such a major blow to me right now…that these photos were sent to the whole law school. I feel like I want to get away from here right now…but there’s nowhere to go.
Because what I really want to get away from is that person in the photo above. And I’m just not quite sure how anymore.