Photographic Evidence

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I feel awful right now. Absolutely awful. I kind of feel like going to bed, crying until I can’t anymore and never leaving my room.

I guess I should explain. I told you yesterday about the dogs. The ones that they brought to law school to help us de-stress? Well, apparently one of the faculty members was taking pictures. And today, they sent them to all of us students in an email. I’m probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should…because anyone looking at this photo album won’t think twice about the pictures of me and a friend eating lunch. But those pictures are destroying me right now.

I don’t want to post them here, but I will. Because apparently this is what I look like, and everyone knows it but me:

I know that everyone has unflattering pictures taken of them sometimes. I know that there’s such a thing as a “good” and “bad” angle. But I’m starting to seriously think that I don’t have a good one. I’ve been working so hard lately – especially when it comes to working out and trying to eat right. I’m seriously trying to turn things around and lose weight. I know that I fell off of that wagon for a while, but I haven’t gained weight in the last few months. I’m just trying to lose what I already had. Apparently, I have a lot farther to go than I thought.

I’ve taken the step and told my friends about what I’m trying to accomplish. Usually, I’m too embarrassed to admit that I’m trying to lose weight, but I really want it to happen this time. So I told them. They assured me that I can accomplish a lot in 3 months if I stick with it. I know that I can, but my positive attitude made a 100% difference in my motivation to work out this week. This is just such a major blow to me right now…that these photos were sent to the whole law school. I feel like I want to get away from here right now…but there’s nowhere to go.

Because what I really want to get away from is that person in the photo above. And I’m just not quite sure how anymore.

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About Kimberly H.

I'm a Wisconsin girl born and bred - a 2L at the University of Wisconsin Law School and a former member of the UW Marching Band. I married my best friend on 7/7/2012 and am an avid lover of nail polish, corgi pups and historical fiction novels!

3 responses »

  1. I don’t want to minimise how you’re feeling ‘cos I hate it when I don’t feel listened to, especially when I’m upset about something. But when I look at these photos I see someone who looks really happy and is really enjoying spending time with a friend. So I guess it’s a matter of perspective and we usually are more critical of ourselves. I don’t know you very well ‘cos I’ve only been following your blog for a little while but don’t forget that you have been made by a creator who loves you. And who are we to criticise his handiwork. You are also engaged to someone who is crazy about you. So remember these things and do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better. Have a good cry. Phone your fiance. Go for a walk. Whatever works for you. And try not to be too hard on yourself.

    • Thanks for your kind words and your encouragement. I guess this is just getting to me now because it’s been a long week anyway, and a week that I thought I was making progress in this specific area. But you’re right – I’ve got to see the positives, and once I get over this initial bout of frustration, use it for motivation to just keep going to reach my goal.

      And thanks for reading 🙂

  2. We often feel most sensitive about ourselves when we are stressed and tired. I know I do! And I guess it depends on how you define progress. Sounds like you have made progress over time from what I’ve read. Remember…sometimes change is two steps forward, one step back.

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