The unfortunate side effects of stress (+ a question for my readers)

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Hello, readers! Today’s post is quite long, but if you’re into reflections on relationships and marriage, I think you’ll dig it. I have a question for you all to answer at the very bottom of the post. It’s something that I seriously would like you to answer for me, so at the very least please scroll all the way down and check that puppy out for me! Now onto yet another mini-novel (because I can’t seem to stop myself once these fingers start typing…)

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Change is hard. We all know that. It causes stress and the stress builds up and after a while, everything explodes. But then it gets better. Last night, it got better.

It’s not really a secret (thanks to the blogosphere and my inability to keep anything a secret ever) that Shaun and I have both been pretty stressed this summer. We’re moving in a little under a month. I’m starting law school and Shaun will hopefully be starting a new job. Job searching is hard, especially (cue most cliched but true phrase of our day and age…) in this economy. Moving is hard. Preparing for law school is nerve-wracking. And then there’s that wonderful mess called wedding planning. It’s a wonder we’re both still alive, let alone together.

While we can’t change the fact that we’re both scared for the future, we know that we want to do it together. No matter how much either of us might hate stepping out of our comfort zone, it’s worth it to be able to share a life with the other person. That’s the conclusion we’ve come to over and over again, but I think it’s a good conclusion to come to. After all, if there was ever an argument that didn’t end with that conclusion, we wouldn’t be getting married.

Inevitably, after every big conversation that could be a life-altering one, I ask Shaun, “so you still want to marry me?” And he always says yes. I can be difficult. I  get really emotional and (although I hate it when he points out this fact,) blow things out of proportion. I’m afraid that some day he’s going to get sick of this side of me. So last night, maybe just to boost my own ego, I asked him why. Why did he want to marry me? How did he know for sure?

His answer: “It’s always been you.”

I think he got that from a movie, though I couldn’t tell you which one. Either way, it didn’t really answer my question but was exceptionally sweet nonetheless. It was a good enough answer to assuage my fears and keep me from asking more questions, anyway. But it got me thinking…

How do you know when is the right time and/or who is the right person for you? Marriage is a big commitment, obviously, and engagement isn’t really something to be entered into lightly. Shaun told me that I was the person he wanted to marry long before he proposed, but I don’t know how or when or why he came to that conclusion. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how or when or why I came to that conclusion, either. I think it was a gradual process for me, but after a while I just couldn’t see my life going forward with anyone else. I’m not going to call it “the one”  because I don’t honestly know if I believe in “the one”. But he was the person for me, and that was it.

So now I have a question for all of you: was there an actual moment when you knew that your significant other was the person for you?   When he/you proposed? Before? Way before? Or was it a gradual process, like it was for me? Even if you’re not in a relationship, how did you know that marriage would someday be the right choice for you? Or if you don’t want to get married, how did you decide that? I want to hear!

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About Kimberly H.

I'm a Wisconsin girl born and bred - a 2L at the University of Wisconsin Law School and a former member of the UW Marching Band. I married my best friend on 7/7/2012 and am an avid lover of nail polish, corgi pups and historical fiction novels!

One response »

  1. Pingback: A discussion on “The One” « Wedding in the 920

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