According to The Knot, a website/magazine combo that provides wedding inspirations and tools for engaged couples (but who are we kidding, mostly brides), there are exactly 400 days until our wedding. That’s a long time. We’ll hit the one year mark in about a month…and even that seems like a long time. But we still have a lot to do, so in some ways I’m grateful for the time.
I’m still working on invitations…which we’re doing ourselves to save money. I think we’ll be successful on that front (as opposed to paying $500 or more on freaking paper), but it’s taking a long time. In addition to buying the pieces separately and putting them together ourselves, I’m also coloring all of the main inserts by hand. So far, I’m happy with the results, and I’ve gotten compliments from people who I showed them to. Even Shaun likes them. But I’m only “done” with 88. Once I finish the stack I’m working on now, I’ll be done with 120. That may sound like a lot. But compared to our guest list…it’s really not.
Which brings me to the guest list. Oh, the guest list. Ours is capped at 300, but we’re hoping to get it down to 250. Which sounds like a lot…and it is. But Shaun and I both have a lot of family. I have 12 first cousins on each side of my family…many of whom are married and have families of their own. Shaun has a similar amount, but we’re lucky that he’s one of the oldest of the kids. I’m very happy that we’ll have so many people there to support us on our special day, and it’s one of those times when a large family makes the occasion all the more special. But it’s still a lot of people…which means we have to choose our friends carefully.
Since relatives alone could easily max out our guest list, we’re not going to be able to invite as many of our friends as we would like. And that’s very hard on me. To the point where I’ve been ignoring the guest list for months because of it. Neither Shaun nor I like confrontations (who does?) and this seems to be a subject where we find ourselves at an impass. We are fortunate to have a lot of friends, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere.
Of course, there’s the standard rule that you should only invite people you’ve seen within the last year. But who defines the “standard?” Etiquette? Wedding experts? Tough love therapists whoa re much better at saying “no” than I am? The truth is, there are a lot of people who are very important in my life that I haven’t seen in the past year…or maybe won’t see a lot of in the upcoming year as I move back to Madison and start law school. Band friends. PRSSA friends. High school friends. There will be new friends to add into the mix too, for both me and Shaun. He’ll be moving to a new city and starting a new job and making new friends too. And on top of all that…who gets a “plus one?” So many people…so few invitations.
One of these days we’re going to have to sit down and finalize our guest list. I’m thinking it might have to be done over a bottle of wine. If you’re reading this, I hope you can sort of understand how torn up I am about this whole process. We want to be able to share our special day with everyone important to us, but a limited guest list means we’ll have to compromise on a lot of things…including who gets invited. In the end, it’s only one day…but I’m starting to see how so many couples get swept up in the “wedding” and forget about the “marriage” that comes after…which is really the best part of all.