Like I mentioned in my last post, I’ll be going dress shopping again in a mere 3 weeks. The last time I wrote about dress shopping, I may have mentioned that I was a bit apprehensive because of my plus size and the teeny-tiny samples that most wedding dresses come in.
Well, that hasn’t changed.
In fact, the last time I was dress shopping, I was fresh off of a band season, a trip to the Rose Bowl and a trip to Mexico, all of which kept my diet and exercise in check and my body in relatively good condition. Since that time I’ve gained (gulp) 10 pounds. All of this is pretty typical of this time of year…I gain a little in spring and lose it again in fall when Reg Week rolls around. Not exactly a healthy cycle, but that’s how it’s been for the last 4 years. Except the difference this time is that there’s no band next fall, and my wedding is just over a year away.
No girl wants to look, or feel, fat on her wedding day.
I know a year is plenty of time to get in shape if I work hard. I’ve been running, going to the gym, doing Pilates and yoga…but the weight never seems to come off. I try to change the way I eat, but it seems I can never stick to a healthier diet or make myself eat the required servings of fruits and veggies every day. Just as scary is that I’ll be moving home with my parents after graduation for the summer…so I’ll have even less control over what I eat.
I just found some pictures from a bar crawl that I went to last week with some friends on my camera, and I’m honestly not happy with the person looking back at me in those pictures. It’s not the way I picture myself, it’s not how I want to look. Maybe more important, this isn’t how I want to feel for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be ashamed of the way I look.
I know that my problem is portion control when it comes to food and a lack of motivation when it comes to exercise. But how to successfully make that lifestyle change that will allow me to look and feel the way I want to for the rest of my life (including my wedding day) has still not come to me. I’m embarrassed by how much I eat and how little I exercise. But that embarrassment usually leads less to change and more to negative energy…which perpetuates the bad habits.
I should say that Shaun thinks I’m completely crazy. He says I’m perfectly fine the way I am and he wouldn’t care if I never lost another pound. But I know that I’ll always be beautiful in his eyes, and now I need to become beautiful in my own.
I have a goal, but I’m stumped as to where to go from here. My goal weight is 150 pounds by my wedding day…which is 438 days away. I don’t want to be overweight anymore.
It’s not easy saying this on the Internet for all to see, but I’m hoping that someone out there will find this post and maybe, just maybe, help me in my journey to becoming a happier, healthier person. I don’t want to lose weight for the wedding…I want to lose weight for life. And I want to do it the right way.