A Challenge for Myself…In Writing for All to See

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Like I mentioned in my last post, I’ll be going dress shopping again in a mere 3 weeks. The last time I wrote about dress shopping, I may have mentioned that I was a bit apprehensive because of my plus size and the teeny-tiny samples that most wedding dresses come in.

Well, that hasn’t changed.

In fact, the last time I was dress shopping, I was fresh off of a band season, a trip to the Rose Bowl and a trip to Mexico, all of which kept my diet and exercise in check and my body in relatively good condition. Since that time I’ve gained (gulp) 10 pounds. All of this is pretty typical of this time of year…I gain a little in spring and lose it again in fall when Reg Week rolls around. Not exactly a healthy cycle, but that’s how it’s been for the last 4 years. Except the difference this time is that there’s no band next fall, and my wedding is just over a year away.

No girl wants to look, or feel, fat on her wedding day.

I know a year is plenty of time to get in shape if I work hard. I’ve been running, going to the gym, doing Pilates and yoga…but the weight never seems to come off. I try to change the way I eat, but it seems I can never stick to a healthier diet or make myself eat the required servings of fruits and veggies every day. Just as scary is that I’ll be moving home with my parents after graduation for the summer…so I’ll have even less control over what I eat.

I just found some pictures from a bar crawl that I went to last week with some friends on my camera, and I’m honestly not happy with the person looking back at me in those pictures. It’s not the way I picture myself, it’s not how I want to look. Maybe more important, this isn’t how I want to feel for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be ashamed of the way I look.

I know that my problem is portion control when it comes to food and a lack of motivation when it comes to exercise. But how to successfully make that lifestyle change that will allow me to look and feel the way I want to for the rest of my life (including my wedding day) has still not come to me. I’m embarrassed by how much I eat and how little I exercise. But that embarrassment usually leads less to change and more to negative energy…which perpetuates the bad habits.

I should say that Shaun thinks I’m completely crazy. He says I’m perfectly fine the way I am and he wouldn’t care if I never lost another pound. But I know that I’ll always be beautiful in his eyes, and now I need to become beautiful in my own.

Spring Break 2011

Me on spring break in March. Not a picture I'm proud of.

I have a goal, but I’m stumped as to where to go from here. My goal weight is 150 pounds by my wedding day…which is 438 days away. I don’t want to be overweight anymore.

It’s not easy saying this on the Internet for all to see, but I’m hoping that someone out there will find this post and maybe, just maybe, help me in my journey to becoming a happier, healthier person. I don’t want to lose weight for the wedding…I want to lose weight for life. And I want to do it the right way.

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4 responses »

  1. oh girl. i know how you feel. I’ve been dealing with this shit for…ever. My first diet was in 8th grade and I’ve been on and off since then. its a vicious cycle. Maybe keeping inspiration (thinspiration!) pictures near the fridge could help? Or plan ahead – like if you know that you aren’t going to be able to get anything to eat for a while, bring almonds or something. Or you and Shaun can take up walking – like go on a 3 mile walk a few times a week- that way you can bond, work out, and enjoy the weather!!!!

    • Aww, thanks Princess! I think we are joining a gym together this summer and might start biking, so I love your suggestion of walking together! I’m glad you and everyone else have been so supportive though. It really means a lot to me. 🙂

  2. Taco, My Dear… We all know what you’re going through!

    A few tricks that seem to help me:

    1) Open up a Microsoft Word pre-formatted calendar that shows a few months at a time. Pick two colors, one that’s a happy color for you and another that’s a not-so-happy color. Everyday that you exercise, write your workout (distance/duration/whatever) in the box for that day, then outline the box with your happy color. Every day that you don’t work out, put a nice, unhappy “X” on that day. Being aware of how frequently you are or aren’t working out is a real wake-up call.

    2) Open an account on FitDay.com or another such website and FORCE YOURSELF to track EVERYTHING you eat. Everything? Yes, everything. You may soon realize that you won’t eat that cookie or you won’t grab that extra sugary coffee if you have to actually keep a record of what you’re eating. You might even find that you’re too lazy to log the food, so you’ll decide that you really aren’t hungry after all. Mindless eating because we’re bored or tired seems to be a huge issue for people our age (including me!).

    3) Another solution to mindless eating: Drink a glass of water if you’re “hungry.” Perhaps even spice things up by using store-bought frozen fruit chunks for ice cubes!! If you are indeed hungry awhile later, go ahead and eat something.

    You have plenty of time to start changing things little by little… You’ve got this, Taco! 🙂

  3. Pingback: Working on my fitness « Wedding in the 920

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